this is my religion

so what exactly am i doing? if you are confused.

so what exactly am i doing? if this is all new to you and you aren't ready to be in a relationship.

so what exactly am i doing? if when i ask you about visiting me you just get awkward and say you don't know

so what exactly am i doing? if after you say all of these things you tell me to disregard them



everything is just flowing. i feel like im getting effected by anything. i feel like im not really soaking anything in. im not thinking. im not learning. im not caring. im just here. this is how it was before. its lonely.

im strong. im tough. but i dont know if im strong enough for this.

i love him. uncontrollaby at times. and when he told me tonight that there may be truth to my statements that at times it feels a bit one sided, my heart sank.

im all for commitment, but i'm not up for being some kind of doormat. again.

i think im just confused. like he's confused.

i really dont even know what to say. like im really melancholic(your word).







first love yourself then you can love someone else
if you can change someone else then you have saved someone else.

(its all cyclical)