i'm kind of insane

and i realize this. i do. i don't like admitting it. and i won't often.

i dont want to be on medication. id rather do it this way, because i would rather have the two extremities than one monotonous life monitored by medication.

and my mind always likes to tell me that im alone and that no one knows or cares how i feel.

and you told me on the staircase that you understood.

but i dont think you do. because you don't care now.

if you cared you would call.

if you cared when i tell you that im going insane you wouldnt respond with "oh, ok"

if you cared you would have asked me to come up to the office and not aubrey. we would have gone to patricia field. we would have watched teeth together because i told you i wanted to see it.


you arent a good friend. and i am trying to discern whether or not its something you do consciously or if it is just a lack in judgement.

but lately i really think that you have been an awful friend. and i realize you have your own issues you are going through. but i very much care about your situation and what happens with you.

when i try and talk to you about plans or ideas i have, you quickly belittle and write them off.

and yes im in love again! and yes im going to make mistakes again!! im sorry that i fuck up.

im just in a bad, desperate place right now. and for some reason i thought you out of all people would understand and really try and help me out.

but then again you are the one who a year ago i told you that i was depressed and you wrote it off saying," jimmy you dont even know what depression is really. you are just over reacting"

and i tried to tell you about my mind. and how i can't ever be on any kind of stable middle ground. all i recognize is extremes. you told me this was a cop out.

well its true.
i always have to be on either end of the spectrum.

and the part that wears me out is the travel from one end to the other is a daily thing.

and you want to go get tattoos this weekend. and im not going to go. i dont want to.

im sure traver's available.








I sat there at the Philadelphia airport. As a result of my excitement, my body was always moving. I just wanted to be there; to be back home, in New York.


What do i want?

pfft.